Naked three-point stance helps Beaver OL get the boot

Oh boy. There are quite a few directions this one could take. Let’s get started and see where it leads.

(Based on the headline, I’m leaning toward nowhere good.)

According to the Corvallis Gazette Times, Oregon State offensive lineman Tyler Thomas was dismissed from the football program Monday for what could technically be described as an incident early Sunday morning but should realistically be labeled as an episode of drunken awesomeness.

The particulars are that Thomas was arrested and charged with first-degree criminal trespass, second-degree criminal mischief and resisting arrest. We’ll allow the Gazette-Times to shade in the more colorful details of the arrest.

According to information from the Corvallis Police Department, at about 4:51 a.m., police were called to 519 N.W. 14th Street after a 32-year-old woman reported there was a naked man in the upstairs office of her residence.

When officers arrived, they ordered him to get on the ground several times, but he refused.

Then Thomas, who had reportedly been drinking, got into a “three-point stance” and lunged at the officers, who Tased him.

To summarize: a 4:51 a.m. naked three-point stance in a stranger’s house that ends with a Taser. I mean, who among us hasn’t found ourselves in the exact same situation at some point in our life?

Regardless, the stodgy, old-school OSU athletic department took issue with Thomas working overtime on his technique unfettered by the bonds of clothing and, as a result, the redshirt freshman is no longer a member of Mike Riley’s team.

Some people nowadays really need to lighten up...